Archive for category Grassmans

The Grassman Council of Elders has agreed to allow the proposed Spirit Cave Prison in their territory.  Yesterday representatives of the DHS met with the Elders at Grassman Camp.  Several concerns were expressed, mostly related to Grassman security and privacy.  They were assured by DHS that the prison will be the most secure in the country, and that Grassman territory will be safer and more private than it is today.  No outside visitors will be allowed beyond the prison fence into Grassman territory, and the Grassmans will still be allowed to roam the countryside as they please.

Most of the Elders seemed to be satisfied with the plan, but Klak wasn’t finished: “Many generations ago we accepted the Nofurs in our lands and we accepted the growth of their town, while getting nothing in return.  If we accept this Nofur prison, we will again get nothing in return.  We do not value the things that Nofurs value.  We have no use for their money or their machines.  Our homes are good for us and we do not wish for bigger homes as Nofurs do.  We value our freedom to live as we wish and to roam our lands.  If you are truthful we will keep that freedom.

We also value security, especially for our children.  You talk about a secure prison and you have ways to make it secure that we do not understand.  We believe that you are sincere, but we know from our Pearlville friends that prisoners sometimes escape from Nofur prisons.  These prisoners are the most dangerous of all Nofurs, and they live to kill Nofurs who do not believe as they do.  We are afraid for ourselves as well as our Nofur friends if these prisoners escape, or if their friends from far away were to come here to make trouble.  If this prison exists we will be at risk of such dangers the same as the Nofurs of the town.  What can you offer us to insure our security besides your promises?”

The DHS people had an internal discussion, and then Joe Petroni offered this to Klak: “We can see that the Grassmans are peaceful.  We know that because we have spent some time with you and we are comfortable with you.  But we admit that we were frightened at first.  We were not frightened by your actions.  But you are much bigger and stronger than us, and we knew that we would be defenseless if you chose to attack us.  We believe that the prisoners will have the same impression, only they will never get to know you well enough to know that you are peaceful.  We propose to enlist some of your strongest members to help us guard the prisoners.  That way the Grassmans will have influence in the security of the prison, and you will have direct knowledge of what goes on inside the prison.”

The Grassman Elders huddled to consider this offer.  As Klak emerged from the group and approached the DHS people, total silence descended on the camp.  Klak reached out for Mr. Petroni and Petroni froze.  It appeared that he thought Klak planned to grab him by the neck.  Someone said “he wants to shake your hand.”  Joe Petroni extended his hand and Klak took it in his, easily twice the size of Petroni’s.  Klak pumped his arm hard enough that I expected to see water pouring from Petroni’s mouth, but instead Petroni smiled and said “thank you, we will be honored to work with you.”  As Emily Sasso finished the translations, she told Mr. Petroni “Klak says he will select the most capable Grassmans for you to choose the guards for the dangerous Nofurs.  He promises there will be no escapes.”

Department of Homeland Security representatives have scheduled a meeting today at Grassman Camp.  Klak Grassman agreed to the meeting, which will include the council of Grassman elders.  “We understand that the Grassmans have some concerns.  If they stand against the prison, then there won’t be a prison at Spirit Cave.  We want to meet with them in person to air things out and see if there is a way that we find common ground,” said Joe Petroni of the DHS.  “We will meet with them and we will listen,” said Klak Grassman.

Against the Prison, Klak Grassman (Sign language translation by Emily Sasso):

Grassmans have lived here in peace since the beginning, before there were Nofurs and before there was Pearlville.  We have lived in balance with the Nofurs.  You have respected us and we have respected you.  We have done our best to be contributors to your community, not detractors.  Now we are asked to tolerate a Nofur prison in our territory, a prison for holding the most dangerous Nofurs.  Why should we agree to this?  Why should we allow this to intrude on our way of life?  Why do you need a prison?  We have no dangerous members in our camp.  If we did, we would not need a prison to take care of the problem.  We understand that the town leaders have given us fair consideration in this question, and that is as it should be.  We do not agree to the prison.

Against the Prison, Mandy Henderson:

A terrorist prison in Pearlville?  No way.  As a Town Council member it is my responsibility to speak up at this critical time.  If the new wave of phony conservativism continues to grow, the Green Pearlville program is in serious jeopardy.  If that is not enough to worry reasonable citizens, now we are talking about a bone-headed project that will bring large numbers of outsiders into our community with all of the related congestion, pollution, and who knows what besides.  Adding insult to injury, the proposed site of the prison lies within the protected territory of the Grassmans, and there will not even be an environmental impact study, all in the name of national security!  Generations ago, the residents of Pearlville agreed that the Grassmans are a protected species.  To some, economic growth is more important today.